Turning Pain Into Laughter Since 2011
You’re out with your friends, enjoying dinner and drinks. You all are laughing and enjoying time catching up with each other. You see a young Black couple walk in and you immediately comment on how beautiful Black love is. About 10 minutes later you see a young interracial couple walk in, Black man with a white woman. They seem to share the same love and adoration for each other as the Black couple that you so nicely commented on just 10 minutes ago. But for some reason you feel different about them. Suddenly that young love is not so cute. What’s the difference between the two couples? They both seem happy and in love with one another, so why do we see interracial love differently from same-race love? And why do we Black women appear to be angry or bitter about our Black men dating white women? Here’s the thing, we’re not angry or bitter. We’re disappointed and maybe feeling a little abandoned. Let me explain.
Yes, I think some of us do come off as angry, bitter, resentful, or even jealous when we see a white woman on the arm of one of our Black men. And yes I said ‘our’ because I feel like Black belong to us [Black women]. Now before some of you stone me to death for saying Black men belong to Black women, keep reading and hopefully you’ll understand where I’m coming from. For years the media has labeled Black women as neck rolling, eye rolling, mean muggin, loud, ghetto, and angry. These are some of the same reasons some Black men give for NOT dating Black women. Along with: we don’t seem like fun, we look like we can’t be bothered, we’re more inhibited sexually, and we don’t offer enough support. Because we have these stereotypes placed on us and we get put down so much from some Black men and society, when another Black man abandons us for another race it’s kind of like a kick in the crotch! And the way we respond sometimes makes us look angry and bitter. Black men and women are supposed to have each others back so when one of us ventures over to the other side it can sometimes feel like a betrayal.
One the other side of this topic is the fact that I believe ‘you love who you love.’ I do not think that all Black men that date or are married to a white woman, hate Black women. As much as I love Black men, I’ve had an involvement with a white man before. Doesn’t mean I love Black men any less! My main issue with interracial dating is the Black men that ONLY date white women and put down Black women, contributing to and almost validating all the negative things the media and society have to say about us.
On a somewhat funnier (or not so funny) note, this is one reason a Black man gave me for not dating Black women: “Well since white men use to rape our Black women during slavery times, I have no problem dogging out a white woman. That’s why I date white women. I would never treat a Black woman badly. I love Black women, I think they are beautiful queens.”
Yeah I know, it sounds crazy to me too but that’s his way of justifying it so we’ll just let him have it.
As always…Keep Laughing!
Kitta, a native of Jackson, TN, is a Laugh Coach, blogger and co-founder of Can I Laugh Now? This Traveling Media Personality is a graduate of the University of Memphis, where she earned her degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice. Kitta believes in spreading joy, one laugh at a time.
Kitta Garner 
Good post! Me and Ashley have this conversation often! I feel some type of way when I see an educated, good looking black man with a white woman because there are so few of them around today…. If I see some bum type guy with a white woman I don’t care because I don’t want him Lol! I don’t like when black men date white woman as some type of trophy, like they are better than us. ~~Amy~~
I’m all for loving who you love! My issue is with the black men who choose to date outside of their race because of the “stereotypical” characteristics of black women that you listed above. You can’t group all black women in the same category. I can relate to the frustration that some black women feel when they see a QUALITY black man date outside of his race because there aren’t too many of them walking around. Maybe if more black women were open to dating outside of their race it wouldn’t be such an issue. Why limit yourself? I do feel like a lot of black women have this loyalty when it comes to dating black men. Black men have it hard so there is this desire to hold them down and support them. ~Ashley